Some context to the madness

It might be helpful to tell you a little bit about where I'm coming from. (I thought this was going to be my quiet little online journal that no one would ever read, but now I'm digging the interaction and I guess that's kind of the point of Vox instead of Blogger or what have you...)

So. Here we are.

I'm 32, my husband is 37, and we've been married for a whopping 9 months. I know, not very long at all. That might make you wonder how long we've been dealing with infertility and why I feel the need to whine on the internet. The answer is also not very long at all and because I'm a big whiner. More specifically, since the beginning of May (yes, this May) and I'm more of a closet whiner. Or mind whiner. (I whine to myself a lot, but not very often out loud.)

About 6 months before I got married, I started to lose gobs of hair. (Gross.) And from that, they found out that I have high androgens. That can, but doesn't have to, signal a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). When we decided to start trying to have a baby, I went and got checked out. It appears now that I don't in fact have a serious case of it. Hooray, right?

Well. Mr. had a hunch that something was wrong on his end, so he got checked out, too. Not so good. Horrible, in fact. A total count of under 1 million (normal is like 50-150 million, I think) and all of them, every last little bugger, was abnormal. The actual results said that each one checked had head, neck, and tail deformities.

The doctor won't confirm anything without a second sample, so my husband will have to go back in another couple of months. The doctor also said he's nearly 100% sure that the next sample will be just the same and that we won't be able to conceive naturally.

I'm OK with that. Mr. is starting to be OK with that.

But now you know why I need the sounding board.

P.S. I've heard it from other forums: I know it's really early to be complaining already, I know we're lucky to have found out so early, and I know that others have it a lot worse and have more of a right to bitch and moan. This is my blog therapy and I can do whatever I want with it, and that's why I'm writing here and not on the fertility boards. That's also why I'm keeping my board identities to myself. Thanks for understanding.