I know better than this.

I know that I'm not pregnant. I can't be. It's nearly physically impossible.

But, as an insane person is apt to do, I thought felt 'twinges' yesterday. Down there.

I think I'm about 8 days past ovulation. That's just the right time for implantation to occur. And when I took my temperature this morning and added it to my chart, I thought, as an insane person is apt to do, "I wonder if that is an implantation dip."

I know better than to put myself in this position emotionally. I know better than to think that a drop in my temperature signals something. I know that this mythical 'implantation dip' is just some coincidental occurrence that has been built up in the minds of hopeful moms-to-be all over the internet.

And yet. Here I am.

My husband is away for 10 days on a business trip. Maybe this is a bit of guilty indulgence on my part. I don't think I'd dare allow myself these thoughts if his voice of reason was around. I have to talk myself down off of this ledge because it's too early in this process to start getting hopes up like this. We haven't even started treatments yet, except for Mr. Twinge's new vitamin regimen.

I have hope, sure. I know that one day we'll have an acceptable resolution (and I hope that comes in baby form). But I have to maintain a long-term hope, and not a daily "what does this or that or the other thing mean" kind of hope. It would wear me down too fast. I'm a laid-back, non-confrontational kind of person, and constant oscillation of emotion is something I'm not good at nor comfortable with.

But just writing this has already brought me a little closer to reality. Wow, blog therapy. Who knew?