Because You're The Daddy, That's Why

This guy really gets my blood pressure up. Kevin Martin, chairman of the FCC ladies and gentlemen:

"You can always turn the television off and of course block the channels you don’t want," he said, "but why should you have to?"

Let's apply this same rationale to home appliances: "I can always move the hairdryer out of the reach of the baby in the bathtub or simply unplug it, but why should I have to?" Answer to this problem - make all appliances that might possibly used in the vicinity of a bathtub have a non-optional safety lock, even for adult households.

Or the auto industry: "I can always buckle my child in a safety seat, but why should I have to?" Answer to this problem - all cars must travel at 5 miles per hour, have airbags pre-inflated, and a mandatory bubble wrap exterior.

How about the energy industry? "I can always put safety caps on electrical outlets, but why should I have to?" Now all outlets must be activated with a key code.

Why should you have to???? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE DADDY, THAT'S WHY.

Patchouli

Imagine the most uptight financial analyst at one of the most conservative banks in already conservative Hamburg. Got it? Early 30's, complete with grey wool overcoat, immaculate blond coif, shoes that cost more than my rent, Blackberry in hand?

That was the guy next to me on the train this morning, except that he reaked of patchouli. I'm certain he's not a patchouli kind of guy, so now I'm trying to imagine what his girlfriend looks like.

Germanness

Yeah, so we all know the stereotype about Germans liking their rules and regulations. If you come from the US, it's kinda true by comparison. Germans are well behaved and expect you to be, too. Most of the time, it's nice. And they don't always follow the rules; a quick glance at any public sidewalk clearly demonstrates the complete disregard for pooper-scooper rules.

But then, there are the sticklers. I hate the sticklers. I was bitched out tonight by a neighbor for taking the wrong fcking trash bags from the mailbox area. Yes, that's right - trash bags. We all get identical trash bags, one roll per apartment, all delivered on the same day. I picked up a roll, any roll, a single roll, without realizing that yes, in fact, there is a fcking procedure to the damn things. I picked up the wrong roll, while leaving my identical roll sitting there. Did you catch that? Identical. Trash bags. Angry yelling man.

Halloween Playlist

This was on my iPod until the hard drive went nutty - now I have to listen on my computer.

• Bauhaus - Bela Lugosi's Dead
• Bauhaus - Stigmata Martyr
• Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper
• Concrete Blond - Vampire Song
• Dropkick Murphys - Halloween
• Simpsons ft. James Earl Jones - The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe
• Eels - Beloved Monster
• Eels - Souljacker - Friendly Ghost
• Eels - Souljacker - Souljacker Part 1
• Eels - Teenage Witch
• Grant Lee Buffalo - Dixie Drug Store
• Halloween theme (Terror mix)
• Jane's Addiction - Paint It Black
• Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child
• Jimmy Fallon - Halloween Medley
• Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams
• Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love
• Marilyn Manson - Voodoo People (KMFDM remix)
• Marilyn Manson - You Spin Me Right Round
• Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Misfits - Day Of The Dead
• Misfits - Die Monster Die
• Misfits - Ghouls Night Out
• Misfits - Halloween
• Misfits - Monster Mash
• Misfits - Pumpkin Head
• Misfits - Some Kinda Hate
• Natalie Merchant - Sympathy For The Devil
• Nina Simone - I Put a Spell On You
• Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls
• Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party
• Oingo Boingo - Weird Science
• Phish - Wolfman's Brother
• Pixies - Gouge Away
• Prodigy - Voodoo People (Chemical Brothers Remix)
• Ramones - Pet Semetary
• Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine
• Rocky Horror Picture Show - Hot Patootie
• Rocky Horror Picture Show - Science Fiction Double Feature
• Rocky Horror Picture Show - There's a Light
• Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil
• Screaming Jay Hawkins - Whistling Past The Graveyard
• Screaming Jay Hawkins- I Put a Spell On You
• Smashing Pumpkins - World is a Vampire
• Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground
• Squirrel Nut Zippers - Hell
• Stevie Ray Vaughn - Voodoo Child
• Sublime - Under My Voodoo
• The Cure - Burn
• The Cure - Lullaby
• The Nightmare Before Christmas - This Is Halloween
• The Residents - Hello Skinny
• The Specials - Ghost Town
• Tim Curry - Wild And An Untamed Thing
• Tito & Tarantula - After Dark
• Tom Waits & Primus - Coattails of a Dead Man
• Tom Waits - Cemetery Polka
• Tom Waits - Everything Goes to Hell
• Tom Waits - Hang Me In A Bottle
• Violent Femmes - Country Death Song
• Virgin Prunes - Baby Turns Blue
• Voodoo Glow Skulls - Closet Monster
• Warren Zevon - Werewolf In London
• Ween - Voodoo Lady
• Wonderwall - Witchcraft

GTA, PTC, and SAP (Stupid Ass Parents)

An obviously insane woman bought Grand Theft Auto for her grandson and is only just now upset (and suing, of course) because he can unlock sex scenes in the game. Oh dear freakin' lord. It's a game where you can slice up prostitutes, bludgeon grannies with a baseball bat so hard that they go flying, and blow shotgun holes in cops in the police station. Sure, let little Bobby act out psychopathic scenarios, 'cause that won't warp a kid's brain, but draw the line at nookie. Mowing the woman down with a car after sex - fine. Sex - nooo! He'll certainly be messed up for life if he sees intercourse.

Those are some nice priorities, lady. By the way, does your insanity get in the way of your literacy? The game rating was printed on the box...

Related topic, sort of:
The Parents' Television Council is largely responsible for the surge in FCC indecency complaints, and most of them are related to sex, not violence. Their motto: "Because our children are watching."

Great. One minor flaw - my kids aren't watching because I don't have kids. How this works: you chose to be parents, therefore you have chosen the responsibility of guiding them through life, including turning off the damn TV. I chose not to have kids, and thanks to free speech laws I can have 24-hour porn beaming in to wide screen TVs throughout my house if I so choose. Really, I just want to enjoy a lovely alcoholic beverage and watch Sex and the City, but you want it off the air because you can't be bothered to take care of your own damn children. (Ha! I said 'damn'! Twice! Take that!)

Much better PTC motto: Because my children are watching and I'm too lazy to be watching them.

Astra beer ad, Easter 2004: 'There are 4 eggs hidden in this picture.' (Eggs=nuts)

And so it begins...

I started a web site long ago, but I just got too busy or lazy to update it often enough to make it relevant. Hopefully blogging tools will make it easier to keep up with the task.

I chose my favorite German word as the title for this blog, just in case you were wondering. 'Sprudeln' means bubbles or effervescence - and it's a fun word to say.