Sigh.

I've been OK with the whole infertility thing. Not great, but OK. Until yesterday.

I am usually a happy person and it takes a lot for me to cry. I've only cried once since I found out the sperm analysis results, and that was only for a few seconds right after hearing the news.

But last night, one stupid commercial sent by a friend was enough to send me. And today I stumbled on a blog with all sorts of "can't live without" baby products and a personal review of each... now I'm trying to hold back the tears at work.

A friend is coming to visit tonight, and he and his wife just found out they are expecting their third. I'm glad he's dropping by and I really do want to know that everything is progressing well. If anyone deserves some joy, it's this family. (They had a butthole doctor who wouldn't believe that their normally healthy son was truly sick, so he kept sending them home. The fever and infection got so bad that their poor son is now permanently brain-damaged and will never walk, talk, or sit on his own. He will always have to be fed and have his stomach massaged afterwards to aid digestion.)

I just wish his visit wasn't today. My hormones are so far from cooperative right now (thanks to my period, I think), and I don't want to do the fake-pleasant thing. I want to be truly happy for his wife and him, and I think I could do that tomorrow.

But he's coming today. So I'm going to end this post and work on collecting myself.