Fate

I'd only told one person about trying to have a baby: my dear friend, who lives thousands of miles away and is a birth doula and childbirth and lactation educator. Of course, she now knows about our infertility, too.

There would just be too much pressure if people knew, and I really didn't want to hear constant questions, advice, whatever.

The fertility boards were a good start for support, but lately I've spent more time writhing in my seat and yelling at the monitor instead of being a productive member of the group. Vox is many orders of magnitude better... I can vent, introspect, and laugh and not feel like I'm all alone in this (I love reading your comments and messages, by the way.)

In my non-electronic life, I'm an expat. I'm fairly fluent in the language now, but when I first arrived I couldn't follow the rapid conversations that occur in a group, and as a result I have a very small circle of friends. I'm working on that, too. I've recently joined a knitting circle where I get to practice my language skills and my knitting at the same time. And I joined a club for American women... this is the club to which I refer in previous posts, and about which I wrote those horrible (but true) things on my other blog. (I'll also post later about why I didn't want to join until now, more than 4 years after moving here.)

I attended a new member evening last night. I could talk! Freely! In English! I wanted to keep chatting all night. At dinner, I was seated next to a woman I'd never met, and we got to talking, as you do. Without going into boring detail, there was a point when I just had this feeling that I had to tell her that we are going to start IVF.

It was amazing. She told me that she had been through it 4 times with no success, but had so much to share about the local clinics, including some very bad experiences with the clinic we were planning to use. She took my hands and made me promise to get a second opinion from her favorite clinic, and said that every woman she has sent there has had a baby. She called herself my talisman. She also made me promise that I wouldn't invite her to the baby shower.

In the end, she gave me her email address and offered any support she could give.

One day, I'll post the whole incredible story of how I ended up moving here. For now, just know that every step seemed to be fate. Meeting my husband when I did (about a year after moving here and a month after deciding that this does feel like home) and our further story again seems like fate. And yesterday... the day before my fertility forum membership expired, I met my talisman.