14w4d

The ultrasound yesterday went well, but the doc is less sure now that it is a boy. Either way, he/she is a very healthy baby. Yeah!

I have to brag a little now - my wedding band is getting a bit tight so my sweet husband surprised me last night (sigh) with a sparkly ring that will definitely fit throughout. I'll post a photo later.

Back to work now - much to catch up on after vacation.

13w3d

A quick post to say that I'm not going to be posting right now. A friend is in town from the States and I have about 5 minutes of computer time a day. Updates next week.

12w6d

Welcome to the 2nd trimester (almost)!

This morning's scan went really well. And it looks like we're on Team Blue!

11w6d

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'll bet you can guess why I'm thankful this year, so I'll spare you the cheese.

I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It has all of the warmth and togetherness of Christmas without all of the consumer crap. Every German/Brit/other I've invited to celebrate with us has immediately taken to the spirit of the holiday. I love the preparation, the familiar and homey smells, and of course sitting around a big table and seeing all of my friends' faces in the candlelight.

I usually do the big dinner on Saturday as we don't get Thursday and Friday off here (boo), but we have plans this Saturday so I'm making mini-Thanksgiving for Martin and I tonight. I'm not sure if there will be turkey, but my favorite part is the side dishes anyway, so we're going to have chestnut stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, and Brussel sprouts. Finished off of course by pumpkin pie.

Guess I get to pardon my own turkey this year. :)

11w4d

It's our 3rd wedding anniversary today, and it's quite astonishing to think of all that we've been through already. I talked to a friend of ours who did 3 rounds of IVF and then decided to adopt (her son is adorable), and she said that when you go through IF it either welds you together or tears you apart.

It hasn't been easy, of course, but I think that's because we were in different stages at different times. When I felt like I was going to implode after the miscarriages, Martin wasn't in a place to understand it. Other times, he was frustrated and down and I was in suck-it-up-and-get-on-with-it mode. Yet through it all, we've managed to figure out how to be together even when we are worlds apart. When we are living on the same planet (which is most of the time now), there's only one word: bliss.

10w6d

So - the question: why Horst?

Horst is a real name, but it's seen as old-fashioned. We could have called him Dudley with a similar effect.

It also has a second meaning - when someone does something stupid or uncouth, you might say he's made a real Horst of himself.

Of course, this is just our silly nickname for him. We have to call him something other than 'baby', but 'snuggiewuggums' is just too cutesy for us. We couldn't decide on a nickname for the other ones either, so we called them by a new, ridiculous name every time. Humperdink, Ethel, Fritz-Peter, Gertrude, etc. This time, Horst just kind of stuck.

9w6d

Another scan today. Horst (his pseudonym for now) is measuring 1 day ahead with a lovely heartrate of 154. My OB is fantastic - Martin couldn't make it to the appointment today so she took me to the super-duper machine one floor up so that she could print out better sonograms for him.

I also got two of my three midwives arranged. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore socialized medicine?! Insurance pays for one midwife for the birth preparation courses, a second midwife for the birth, and a third midwife who visits you at home for a couple of weeks to help with anything you might need. A doctor doesn't step in unless needed. I imagine this ends up costing significantly less than a US hospital birth, but I guess I'll never know as I won't see bills for the birth. :)

Next scan on Dec 3rd - official start to the 2nd trimester.

9w4d

As part of the IVF process, I have to have my blood drawn every week to check hormone levels. For those of you who haven't done IVF, this is because the normal hormones are shut down during the cycle and have to be supplemented until the body can take care of it on its own. I went off of the supplemental hormones a while ago, but they need to keep an eye on the levels until they are sure that the placenta has taken over and is doing its job.

I just got the call from the clinic - no more weekly blood tests for me! Yet another milestone we've never reached before.

9w3d

Today marks the furthest we have ever made it in a pregnancy. I celebrated this morning by finding the heaviest spotting to date. Still brown, but WTF?

I was in Aachen over the weekend for a conference and while there I took a bit of a spill on a slick ramp - maybe this had something to do with it. I also had to schlep my suitcase and conference materials (and tins of special Aachen Christmas cookies called 'Printen'), so maybe it was the repeated lifting?

Doesn't matter - I promised myself no freakouts unless I see red.

8w4d

Minor freakout last night. I'd had all of the usual pregnancy symptoms for some time, and last night they all went away. Poof. Of course my scary pregnancy books and Dr Google told me to go to the doctor right away. The RE's office wouldn't see me as I'd already been released from their care, so I went to my OB's office. They were so patient and understanding, but I could still see that they were worrying about me as a patient. "Oh boy, another one of these worriers who will be on our doorstep any time she gets the hiccups or sneezes too hard."

I don't want to be that patient, so I'm going to take a few steps back and force myself not to worry unless I see blood.

7w6d

To jab or not to jab. The German Medical Association is advising that pregnant women not get the vaccine that is currently available to us. I don't think this is the same vaccine that is being used for pregnant women in the US, so the arguments for and against are a bit different here. I think I'll put off the decision a little while longer.

http://clareswinney.wordpress.com/2009/10/23/german-medical-association-warns-against-giving-pandemrix-to-young-children-pregnant-women/

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1932366,00.html

7w5d

Still in the game. I was confident this morning, then a colleague brought her newborn to the office and I was sure the universe was going to punk me and show me what I couldn't have, then take it all away at the ultrasound appointment.

For now, the baby is fine. It's measuring 2 days behind, but that's not a big deal as there is always room for +/- a few days. The machines and the babies aren't that exact. My lovely doctor saw how freaked out I have been, so she brought me into another room and let me hear the heartbeat, something they don't usually do until 12-13 weeks. She also said that in normal circumstances, my next appointment should be in 4 weeks, but that she was willing to see me every week if that's what I want. I won't be quite that neurotic, but I will go back in 2 weeks instead of 4.

I can't quite exhale yet, but at least we are on our way. Thanks for all of the support - it really does help.

7w3d

It's been one week since the ultrasound, and it feels like it has been 3. I'm feeling less and less pregnant every day, which of course is a sign of nothing except that I'm obsessing and need to cut it out.

Martin is still optimistic, and he's been right about everything so far this round. I simply need to relax and listen to him. Easier said than done, eh?

Tomorrow I have bloodwork at the clinic to see whether I'm doing OK without any supplementation (yup, stopped the estrogen and progesterone last week). Wednesday we get to see the little one again. If everything is OK on Wednesday, we're going to share the news with Martin's grandparents and uncles at his dad's 60th birthday party on Saturday. He's giddy with the thought of it. I can't think past Wednesday.

7w0d

I'm working on trying to stay positive. I've googled and regoogled and there are plenty of women out there who have not a single twinge, cramp, craving, or urge and go on to have healthy babies. So why can't I be satisified with that? I actually considered showing up at my OB this morning to beg for an ultrasound so that I could sleep peacefully over the weekend.

Wednesday's ultrasound is so far off.

6w4d

Sending some love and sympathy to someone who's just landed where I've been too many times. It sucks.

6w3d

So far, so good! First ultrasound was this morning, and everything is perfect. Horst is measuring right on track and we easily saw the heartbeat. This is a big deal for us because we've never had a normal first ultrasound. The first round, we saw a heartbeat but the baby was measuring too small. The second round, we never made it to the ultrasound stage. Third round, the baby was measuring OK but the heartbeat was very hard to find.

Doc is optimistic, so we can be too. Official due date, June 11th. Official maternity leave, April 30th.

EDD #3

Today is the day we should have been bringing home baby #3. It's not quite the same this time as I mourned this one quite a bit on my birthday (which also should have been the first day of maternity leave). We also know that he had a genetic problem that is one of the most common causes of miscarriage, so there's nothing anyone could have done. Being pregnant also helps me look forward rather than dwell on what could have been.

One day I will make this site pretty...

 

I wanted something autumny, so this is what I get until I have the time to actually make a template.

One day, this site might look pretty. Until then, don't hold your breath.

 

Sugar Fix

 

I found Pop Tarts at the grocery store near my office today. I don't like Pop Tarts (maybe that's not fair because I've only ever tried them once) so it's not an issue, but those suckers cost €6.49 for a box of ten. That's nearly $10 American. Holy freaking crap.

However, I am willing to pay €4 for their Pepperidge Farm cookies...

 

Still rising!

 

Beta today at 3636: doubling time of 41 hours. Yeah!