17w5d

Well, looks like Horst is really a Myrtle! The doctor is 80-90% sure that it's a girl.

And I think I felt her move for the first time this morning. What a fantastic day.

17w3d

Still not showing. I look like I had too many cookies chased by too many beers, but I definitely do not have a proper bump. I was a bit fluffy to begin with anyway, so I'm looking forward to having a belly instead of a spare tire.

The visit to the family was the best I can remember in a long time. I miss my family and have been weepy with the thought that they are going to miss the pregnancy and lots of Horst's first year. Have to get Skype up and functional, I guess.

For those of you not friends with me on Facebook, let me share some jeglagged wisdom with you: Air France sucks sweaty donkey balls.

16w2d:



17w3d:

14w4d

The ultrasound yesterday went well, but the doc is less sure now that it is a boy. Either way, he/she is a very healthy baby. Yeah!

I have to brag a little now - my wedding band is getting a bit tight so my sweet husband surprised me last night (sigh) with a sparkly ring that will definitely fit throughout. I'll post a photo later.

Back to work now - much to catch up on after vacation.

13w3d

A quick post to say that I'm not going to be posting right now. A friend is in town from the States and I have about 5 minutes of computer time a day. Updates next week.

10w6d

So - the question: why Horst?

Horst is a real name, but it's seen as old-fashioned. We could have called him Dudley with a similar effect.

It also has a second meaning - when someone does something stupid or uncouth, you might say he's made a real Horst of himself.

Of course, this is just our silly nickname for him. We have to call him something other than 'baby', but 'snuggiewuggums' is just too cutesy for us. We couldn't decide on a nickname for the other ones either, so we called them by a new, ridiculous name every time. Humperdink, Ethel, Fritz-Peter, Gertrude, etc. This time, Horst just kind of stuck.

9w6d

Another scan today. Horst (his pseudonym for now) is measuring 1 day ahead with a lovely heartrate of 154. My OB is fantastic - Martin couldn't make it to the appointment today so she took me to the super-duper machine one floor up so that she could print out better sonograms for him.

I also got two of my three midwives arranged. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore socialized medicine?! Insurance pays for one midwife for the birth preparation courses, a second midwife for the birth, and a third midwife who visits you at home for a couple of weeks to help with anything you might need. A doctor doesn't step in unless needed. I imagine this ends up costing significantly less than a US hospital birth, but I guess I'll never know as I won't see bills for the birth. :)

Next scan on Dec 3rd - official start to the 2nd trimester.

9w4d

As part of the IVF process, I have to have my blood drawn every week to check hormone levels. For those of you who haven't done IVF, this is because the normal hormones are shut down during the cycle and have to be supplemented until the body can take care of it on its own. I went off of the supplemental hormones a while ago, but they need to keep an eye on the levels until they are sure that the placenta has taken over and is doing its job.

I just got the call from the clinic - no more weekly blood tests for me! Yet another milestone we've never reached before.

9w3d

Today marks the furthest we have ever made it in a pregnancy. I celebrated this morning by finding the heaviest spotting to date. Still brown, but WTF?

I was in Aachen over the weekend for a conference and while there I took a bit of a spill on a slick ramp - maybe this had something to do with it. I also had to schlep my suitcase and conference materials (and tins of special Aachen Christmas cookies called 'Printen'), so maybe it was the repeated lifting?

Doesn't matter - I promised myself no freakouts unless I see red.

8w4d

Minor freakout last night. I'd had all of the usual pregnancy symptoms for some time, and last night they all went away. Poof. Of course my scary pregnancy books and Dr Google told me to go to the doctor right away. The RE's office wouldn't see me as I'd already been released from their care, so I went to my OB's office. They were so patient and understanding, but I could still see that they were worrying about me as a patient. "Oh boy, another one of these worriers who will be on our doorstep any time she gets the hiccups or sneezes too hard."

I don't want to be that patient, so I'm going to take a few steps back and force myself not to worry unless I see blood.

7w6d

To jab or not to jab. The German Medical Association is advising that pregnant women not get the vaccine that is currently available to us. I don't think this is the same vaccine that is being used for pregnant women in the US, so the arguments for and against are a bit different here. I think I'll put off the decision a little while longer.

http://clareswinney.wordpress.com/2009/10/23/german-medical-association-warns-against-giving-pandemrix-to-young-children-pregnant-women/

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1932366,00.html

7w5d

Still in the game. I was confident this morning, then a colleague brought her newborn to the office and I was sure the universe was going to punk me and show me what I couldn't have, then take it all away at the ultrasound appointment.

For now, the baby is fine. It's measuring 2 days behind, but that's not a big deal as there is always room for +/- a few days. The machines and the babies aren't that exact. My lovely doctor saw how freaked out I have been, so she brought me into another room and let me hear the heartbeat, something they don't usually do until 12-13 weeks. She also said that in normal circumstances, my next appointment should be in 4 weeks, but that she was willing to see me every week if that's what I want. I won't be quite that neurotic, but I will go back in 2 weeks instead of 4.

I can't quite exhale yet, but at least we are on our way. Thanks for all of the support - it really does help.

7w3d

It's been one week since the ultrasound, and it feels like it has been 3. I'm feeling less and less pregnant every day, which of course is a sign of nothing except that I'm obsessing and need to cut it out.

Martin is still optimistic, and he's been right about everything so far this round. I simply need to relax and listen to him. Easier said than done, eh?

Tomorrow I have bloodwork at the clinic to see whether I'm doing OK without any supplementation (yup, stopped the estrogen and progesterone last week). Wednesday we get to see the little one again. If everything is OK on Wednesday, we're going to share the news with Martin's grandparents and uncles at his dad's 60th birthday party on Saturday. He's giddy with the thought of it. I can't think past Wednesday.

7w0d

I'm working on trying to stay positive. I've googled and regoogled and there are plenty of women out there who have not a single twinge, cramp, craving, or urge and go on to have healthy babies. So why can't I be satisified with that? I actually considered showing up at my OB this morning to beg for an ultrasound so that I could sleep peacefully over the weekend.

Wednesday's ultrasound is so far off.

6w3d

So far, so good! First ultrasound was this morning, and everything is perfect. Horst is measuring right on track and we easily saw the heartbeat. This is a big deal for us because we've never had a normal first ultrasound. The first round, we saw a heartbeat but the baby was measuring too small. The second round, we never made it to the ultrasound stage. Third round, the baby was measuring OK but the heartbeat was very hard to find.

Doc is optimistic, so we can be too. Official due date, June 11th. Official maternity leave, April 30th.

Still rising!

 

Beta today at 3636: doubling time of 41 hours. Yeah!

 

Beta #2

 

274, doubling time of 38 hours. A new record for us!

 

Flyby Update

 

Beta came in at 75.

Repeat on Monday.

 

Start your syringes...

 

Got the OK to start stims tonight, so I'm trying to control both the dread of failure and unfettered glee of thinking this one will work.

In any case, we're off and running!

 

Thanks everyone

 

I write my posts as a bit of blog therapy for me rather than thinking someone will read it, but I have to say I always feel better after reading your comments. Thank you so much.

I just popped open a beer even though I wanted to go cold turkey this IVF. I just spotted my neighbor on the street - she and her husband are opera singers so they have the summer off and have been gone visiting their families in Scandinavia. We share a backyard so we see them a lot when they are home... and she has a rather pronounced belly now. Instead of being the good neighbor and welcoming her home, I ran into my apartment and hid.

Gaah. That makes 6 in one week.

On the up-side, I took my last birth control pill this morning in preparation for our 5th round of IVF. This round has to be it for us, right? It's gonna work?!

 

Cycle #5: In Progress!

 

CD 3:

Is this our last round? Not sure yet. Some adoption agencies in the US have recently stopped taking overseas US citizens as clients, I guess we'll probably go for another round.

Let me again take this opportunity to rant about folks who ask, "Why don't you just adopt?"

1. I'm afraid to take on a special-needs child with my family so far away and my support network here consisting mainly of transient expats. Many countries do not allow 'healthy' children to be adopted outside of their home country, even if it means those children languish in orphanages.
2. I'll be turned down by many agencies in my own country because I live overseas. It's not illegal, but it is difficult and many agencies don't want to deal with it anymore.
3. There are few German babies to be adopted. We're looking at a 4 year wait here, by which time we'll probably be deemed too old.
4. Will you lend me €20,000 euros for a non-German adoption? Didn't think so.